No matter where this road leads ...

Change

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 11:00:13 GMT

Hello friends!

Today I am going to share with you what I was thinking through over and over again for the last few weeks.
Some of you may have already noticed that I found more and more differences between what you would imagine a gargoyle and my personality. Infact for me it started with the huge paradox that a gargoyle is a flying or at least gliding beeing and I am terribly scared of heights and flying. At first I only found this fact kind of amusing, but in time it became some sort of shadow of a doubt. Subconciously I started to compare my personality with a gargoyle more and more and stumbled across more and more paradoxes. For example the fact that a gargoyle is more like a wild, strong animal of prey and I could never see myself fighting or hunting like that. I am more the shy and sensitive type that is easily scared and prefers retreating over fighting.
So I became more and more unsure whether or not the gargoyle is the species I realy belong to. What I didn't know was what species I could belong to instead. I thought of a whole lot of possibilities but the answer came to me more by accident.
Some of you may already have noticed that I am a huge fan of the movie "Bolt". To be honest, what I found most adorable about the movie where the cute dog and the realy awesome cat. I didn't take much interest in Rhino but for some weird reason I felt more and more familliar with the little guy and his fellow hamsters. At first I thought this can't be true becuase I never was in any way interrested in hamsters. Yet I still could'nt get rid of the weird feeling. After a realy hard time of considering and reconsidering and feeling and trying to understand I finally had to admit to myself that maybe - although i never felt a link like that to this species and I never considered to be part of it - that's infact what I realy am.

A hamster.
Neo, the hamster. o.o

I know this sounds weird and believe me it sounds wierd for me too, especially after I "was" a gargoyle for so many years. But that's how it is and I can't do anything about it.

If you look at my new fursona you will notice that I couldn't let go of my gargoyle-self completely. I kept my colours, I have a wing-shaped marking on my back and my teeth resemble an animal of prey's teeth. Honestly I don't know whether this is just for sentimental reasons or if its the truth. This whole situation is very new for me although it is what feels right the most at the moment and i guess, the more I get used to my true self, the more I will find out what I realy do look like.
I hope you can accept me the way I am now. My personality didn't change at all - only the way I look.

To my friends on DA: although I am not a gargoyle anymore, I still admire these beautifull beeings an I'm (of course ;) ) still a huge fan of Brooklyn and I will keep drawing both.

I guess that's all have to tell you at the moment.

Big hugs from your little hamster

Neomae

******************************************

THIS WAS A HOAX FOR APRIL FOOL'S DAY 09
=D

Inner spirit

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:49:22 GMT

What's your inner spirit?

Phoenix
You are free, loyal, and caring.
You wish to help all those in need and heal all wounds of those you care about,
no matter what the cost.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Going for a fresh start ...

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:56:32 GMT

I want to start this LJ with an apology to my family and friends.

Most of you - especially those, who can only contact me online - already realized that I do have a really bad habit - namely simply disappearing from the internet from time to time with no explanation.
This mostly happens, when
- I'm very busy
- I'm feeling overwhelmed by a situation and cannot decide how to deal with it (eg. important decisions)
- I'm for some reason feeling really bad
Most of you also already know that I am in a stage of comprehension and change.
I did realize by now (finally!) that my disappearing not only is not the nicest thing to do, I actually can see that I am really hurting you with it. I have to admit that I was not aware of the fact that you are worrying about me so much. And for some reason I also was not able to see that I gave you the feeling that I'm not interested in or caring for you.

I'm really sorry for treating you so bad!
I assure you that I AM interested in you, that I Am caring for you and that I really DO love you all! You're what's most important to me in my life.

That's why I started this journal. I want to keep you all up to date from now on. I don't want anyone of you having to worry about me just because I again didn't reply to an e-mail, note or sms soon or at all. I don't want anyone of you to feel left out from my life.

I will also try to get better and faster in replying to your messages. I know I promised this often before and didn't get much better till now but I want you to know that I keep working on it. I promise!

Again, I am really really sorry!
King Taibu, Kimani, Azrael, Asten, Pan, Greif, Elik, Rocky, Ran, Shibu, Chireiya, Draco, Bobszy, Epantiras, my friends on DA, my parents and grandparents and everyone else I did hurt or get into trouble.
Please forgive me!

I also want to thank you that you were so patient and holding on to me all this time. Thank you so much!!!! This means a whole lot to me. I want to do everything in order to become as good a friend to you as you are to me. Please be patient with me one more time and give me this chance. I really DO want to do things better from now on.